Manners maketh the man (or woman)

I realise I am soon to hit a big '0' birthday, but I know I have not lost it yet - I definitely remember being taught basic manners by my mother, my grandparents and various other adults in my life - including school teachers.
I am not talking here about anything in particular, no need to put yourself out at all but just a general understanding that to be a reasonable human being and a part of society you needed to act like that... i.e. as a reasonable human being who wanted to be part of society.


So, when you're walking along and you accidentally bump into another person, you'd say sorry, check they were OK and move on. If you were going through a door anyway and another person was following you, you'd hold the door for their ease of passage and that person would say 'Thank you'. If someone dropped something right in front of you, you'd alert them, maybe even pick it up and hand it back, they'd again thank you and that would be that... is all this so much to ask?


Apparently yes, it is.


On Monday a middle-aged woman who I was walking alongside, but not 'with' if you get my drift, suddenly veered sideways - no idea why, but she did - and bumped into my arm. She tutted, muttered something about looking where you're going and glowered at me. I made a decision in that split second not to react by explaining that her change in direction had caused the bump, that she was clearly in the wrong and that to tut at me therefore made her look even more of an idiot than she already did by dint of her lack of directional control... in fact I simply smiled and walked on. What was going on in my head / under my breath is no one else's concern.


In my office, to get from the main office to the loo, you go into a communal hallway and push open a door onto a stair well, which services both the 'services' and other offices. In doing this the other day, I held the door open for another person (not a colleague of mine) who said 'thank you' and smiled - marvellous. On my return to my office someone was coming through the door towards me, not only did he let the door shut behind him when I was on the bottom stair, he then proceeded to walk straight at me as he approached the stairs, so I would have to move out of his way. I'm afraid I was not quite so controlled that time - I stopped in his path and simply smiled at him - he moved over... Sometimes of course there is the inadvertent 'dance of the route finder' as both parties on a collision course try to avoid the other - this too happened on the same day as I walked out of my place of work, we smiled at each other and mutually apologised. It restored my faith in humanity.


Then today I had the utter temerity to tell a man he had dropped something out of his pocket. It was a piece of paper and looked like a letter, something official. He said 'Oh it's rubbish' and went to walk on - this time I had to say my piece. I picked the paper up and said, 'Excuse me, this is yours' again 'yes it's rubbish', I decided not to let it go 'OK, then can I suggest you put it in a bin?' I asked. I was then asked in a most impolite manner if I was a member of the 'Litter Police', 'No' said I, 'I am not, but there really is no need to leave litter when there is a bin less than 10 feet away from you'. This man then told me to go away (only of course he was far ruder than that) and I was just about to get riled when another voice said 'There really is no need to speak to her like that - why can't you just put your rubbish in the bin?' it was another man, about the same age as 'Mr Litter' only about twice the size. Mr Litter snatched the paper out of my hand and walked away. I have no idea what he did with the paper after that, but I do know that Mr Saviour asked me if I was OK, was quite rude about Mr Litter, made me laugh and walked off...


All this has made me realise, it is not the grand gestures that are important on a day-to-day level - throwing down a cape to save my shoes from a puddle is simply not necessary - but I really value the normal niceties of human interaction and think that if we all concentrated on those a bit, the world might be a happier place.

Get Well Soon!

Is it just me? Am I so unreasonable in this thought that, if you are ill you should stay at home, keep your germs to yourself and give yourself time to get better?

In the last few weeks there have been a small, but increasingly irritating group of people who share my office who have been coming into said office and bringing with them all manner of coughs and sneezes.

I realise the correct word for this group of people is colleagues – but I fail to find anything collegiate in infecting people with your viral issues.

Seriously, and in a strictly business management view of this problem, one person off work for a few days is inconvenient, a whole office off sick because of one persons need to be indispensable could be a disaster.

This, of course is not just the fault of the infectious party – in a work situation it is also the fault of the work mates and manager… Fellow workers make the problem worse by playing their designated roles in the story of ‘the martyr who came to work’ with their "Oh poor you, you do look ill" or "you really should be at home" or the "can I get you anything" speeches. 

Needless to say I rail against this enforced type-casting of me in a supporting role, I have on a number of occasions instructed someone to go home and take their germs with them and I have meant it and I have ensured it happened. This has been followed by strict instruction not to return to work until well enough to do so without wasting company time either by moaning about being ill or by being so ill as to make their presence worthless. Harsh but fair and consistently so is my managerial motto on this matter!.

In a world in financial meltdown, some people feel pressure to show up at work and do their job, even when running a temperature, coughing, sneezing… and whilst it is understandable for those who feel their job is at risk, for anyone else it is just a form of vanity.

Some people appear to feel the need to be told how ill they sound, or how rough they look. It appears that this makes them feel more valued, indispensable and needed. They enjoy being the martyr to the cause of their job – they prove their dedication by struggling into the office to spread their germs and threaten the wider team with viral infection… It is selfish and it is unnecessary - go home, get well, come back again.

In support of this and on a more’ healing’ note, it is a well-documented fact that the human body, utterly brilliant and amazing in its capacities as it is, needs time and dedication to heal itself. If you are ill, you will only prolong the problem by not allowing your body to rest most of itself and concentrate on healing the unhealthy bit – white blood cells need to be able to travel around the body and attack an infection, why make it more difficult than it needs to be? With it's feet up on the sofa, covered with a blanket to keep it warm, with plenty of fluids to keep it hydrated, your body is far more able to focus on fixing the problem quickly and effectively than it is if you are battling it by ‘keeping on keeping on’.

So next time you are ill – and I do mean ill – do your colleagues a favour, ring in sick, lie on the sofa, take medication as prescribed, stay hydrated and let your body heal. Get well and then go back to work in fine fettle and able to do your job properly… Your colleagues will appreciate that far more than catching your germs and being ill themselves!